literature

Rabies: Chapter Thirty-Two

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< I can feel it growing stronger within my spirit.  This is good, good for me.  It is what fuels me, what keeps my spirit alive and keeps it from breaking apart into dust.  This dark shadow is feared by many, but for me it is the savior, the life-giving thing without which I would most assuredly be nothing at all by now.  To the dark, I most willingly give my soul. >
The first thing I was aware of was an almost unbearable amount of pain.  My head was throbbing with a most excruciating ache, while the rest of my body was also aching and burning.  It felt as if I had suffered through multiple beatings in a very short period of time, and all of my skin had been flayed off.  I needed to remember what had happened, but when I tried to think it made the aching in my skull much worse.  
I attempted to open my eyes, but that also made the pain worse.  There was no light from what I could tell, but it did not smell like the night.  Was I in a cave?  I wouldn’t be able to tell without opening my eyes and looking around.  Though I knew it would be painful, I felt that I had to try anyway.  Attempting to lift my head, I pushed up with my shoulder.  I was immediately greeted by pain, an overpowering amount of pain.  I collapsed back to the ground with a groan.  
It was so tiring, the exhaustion was too much for me.  There was no point in even trying to stay awake, I could not even conceive of attempting to make the effort.  Within moments, I was out again, but this time in sleep, rather than unconsciousness.

Even in a state of dreamless sleep, time seemed to past slowly.  I was not awake, of course, and nor was I dreaming, but I could still feel the passage of time, much slower than it normally was in those brief moments that I was awake.  It was a very odd thing.
Upon awakening yet again, the headache was not nearly as bad.  It was still there, but much more bearable than it had been, which made me wonder how long I had been asleep.  Cautiously, I opened my eyes, worrying that I would be greeted with more pounding to my head.  Thankfully enough, I managed to open my eyes without much trouble.
I was definitely in a cave.  The musty darkness was barely penetrated by light from outside.  Wait, maybe not a cave, but a den, perhaps?  How had I gotten there?  The last thing I remembered, I had been falling, I’d heard a loud thud and there had been pain and then I didn’t remember anything else.  That must have been the point at which I’d fallen unconscious.  The memories of the night were coming back clearer now, I’d been fighting the mountain lion.  
Then where was I know?  How had I gotten there?  Had the mountain lion dragged me back to its den so it could eat me, or something?  I had to get out of there.
Hastily, I pushed up with my shoulder in an effort to get up.  This was met with sharp, stabbing pain that caused me to cry out and drop back to the ground.  I lay there, panting and feeling defeated.
“You should lay there and rest, trying to get up would not be ideal for recovery.”  Alpha Pine’s voice startled me.  I hadn’t even considered that I might be back at the Denning.
I groaned and twisted my head, attempting to look around and see him.  The Alpha was standing at the entrance to the den, and I realized it was the same den Leaf had been staying in after his near-fatal attack earlier in the month.
“How did I get here?” The details of what had happened at the end were still foggy in my brain, I couldn’t remember anything about going back to the Denning.  I didn’t even know how I was alive.
“A wolf of the Pack of the Stars brought you to the Denning.  Crow was the one who found him outside, he said that he’d heard the beast’s roars and stepped over the territory boundaries to try and help.  He tried to help, you made him leave, and so he did, but then came back after feeling guilty and then that’s when he found you unconscious.  Typical of a Pack of the Stars wolf to not stay and fight.”  
Ripred.  I almost cried out his name, but I knew that might get me into some trouble so I stopped myself, the Alpha had not mentioned his name, and I could not let on that the narrative given by the wolf was not the full truth.  The secret had to be kept, it would be dangerous if they found out the truth of my relationship with the wolf of the Pack of the Stars.
“And the mountain lion?  What’s happened to it?”  Had the entirety of that night been for nothing?  I worried that it might still be alive and well, that I had failed, that I had nearly died for nothing.
“It’s dead, Rabies.”  Hearing those three words shocked me like no other words had ever done.  For just once in my life, I had actually succeeded in doing something.  I had done it, the scourge of the forest was gone, the Pack was free from the cruel claws of the beast that had squeezed tighter and tighter around us until we were afraid to even breathe within our home.
“I am very glad for that.  Too many wolves died to that beast.  No more.”  I closed my eyes and sighed.
“You were foolish to take such a risk like that.  Pushing it out of the tree was very, very dangerous; you could have died.”  His voice was stern with disapproval.
“I know I could have died, I was well aware of that when I jumped.  It was the only way, though; it was either die and leave the mountain lion alive, or die with the chance that it, too, might fall.  The risk was one I had to take; even if I had died in the process, it would have been worth it.”  The truth was, I’d had the full intentions of dying when I jumped.  Part of myself felt disappointed to have lived.  I had accepted my death, it had been worth dying for, and now here I was, still alive, still breathing.  Again, I found myself wishing that one of the wolves who had died to the beast were alive in my place.
“I will trust that you did not go looking for trouble, I think that it would be entirely out of character for you to go searching for that mountain lion.  So, I will take it that you were attacked and had no other choice.  I cannot deny that I am grateful to you for killing the beast, but your life is not a price I would have been willing to pay.”
“What?  That’s absurd, Alpha, if the mountain lion had proceeded to live, it would have gone on to kill many more wolves of our Pack.  The death of one last wolf would surely be worth the lives of the rest of the Pack.  I’m not an overall important wolf, and I would have died last night just as I’d rather have died in the place of Sand or Wing.”
“I’d rather you lived than they, Rabies.”  The Alpha’s voice was cold and firm.  His words appalled me, for a wolf to freely admit that they were glad one wolf had died and not another was wrong.
“Alpha, how can you say that?  They did not deserve to die, and it would have been better for me to die in their place, especially for Sand, he was far too young to die.  I don’t understand.”  I stared at him, not caring if I was going too far in questioning the Alpha.  This was absolutely absurd.
“Some lives are worth more than others.  You might not understand, Rabies, but I have reasons for everything that I’ve said.  I do not care if you agree or disagree.  I only speak the truth.”  
“Who are you to decide on the value of a wolf’s life?  You might be the Alpha, but you’re not a God, you are not Ino Nali.”  My words probably could have been a lot stronger if I was not laying damaged and broken on the ground of the cave, but they would not go unsaid.  It was wrong of the Alpha to place less value on the lives of other wolves, and I couldn’t help but feel guilt because it was my life he was placing value on.  I could not even understand why he thought my life to be valuable.
Alpha Pine stopped and gave me a strange look.  I didn’t understand it, but I was not in the mood to ask about it.  “Like I said, Rabies, I have my reasons.  You would not understand.  Now stay here and rest, you are badly wounded and need time to heal.”
I opened my mouth to object, but he turned and exited the den, leaving me alone in the near-darkness.  Again, I found myself aware of the throbbing and aching pains that wracked my body.  Maybe staying awake was a waste of time, I was just going to grow bored.  Boredom and pain were not a fun combination.
Just as I was dozing off, I was awoken by another wolf entering the den.  I didn’t bother to attempt to sit up or even open my eyes, I just wanted to get some sleep.  If I pretended I was asleep, maybe they’d just go away.
“Rabies, I know you’re not asleep.”  It was Claw.  Despite our improved relationship, I still felt a little nervous whenever she was around.  The changes were hard to get used to, the old ways were deeply ingrained.  Change was going to take time.
  “Oh, fine, you’ve got me,” I conceded, opening one eye but not lifting my head to look at her.  I was too tired, too drowsy, the effort would certainly knock me out again.  “What’s up?” My eyes closed again for a moment, concentrating on the waking world was proving difficult.  Maybe she wouldn’t notice if I fell asleep while she was talking.
“Well for one thing, you’ll notice that your fur is no longer stained with the blood of yourself and that mountain lion.  You have myself and Root to thank for that.”  She paused, and I waited for her to go on, but then I realized she was waiting for me to respond.
“Okay.  Thanks.”  I felt a little annoyed.  It was nice of her to do that, but the deed just felt cheapened when she was practically begging for praise.  The words threatened to come out of my mouth, but I held my tongue.  A small thing like that was not worth an argument, not so soon.  “Is that all?”
“No, it’s just. . .” Her voice trailed off, and I opened my eyes and with great effort lifted my head to look at her.  She was staring down at her paws.  “It was rather brave of you, and I’d almost go as far as to say it was heroic.  I think you might’ve saved a lot of lives in killing the beast.  After seeing what happened to Leaf,” she shuddered, “I just don’t think I’d be able to handle seeing that happen to another wolf.  Even seeing you now, it’s hard.  I, well, I’m just glad you’re alive.”  Her words were faded and dull to my ears, they would probably have meant more to me had I been fully awake.
I lay my head back down, too tired to keep up.  My mouth moved in making a reply, but the words were forgotten from my brain as they were spoken.  Within moments, I was asleep again.
In my dreams, I saw my father, laying on the ground of the plains.  “Father.”  The word came out of my mouth unbidden, and I found myself rushing towards him.  I had not realized how much I missed him, how much I missed the parent-offspring relationship that we never had.  Once I was close, I noticed how his body was crumpled and broken, as it had been in the moments after his death.  I collapsed to the ground beside him, wishing that he could be alive, not dead, how could he be dead?  He couldn’t be dead, no, no.  I felt myself reliving his death, all the emotions that I’d felt came rushing back like the torrent of a river.  Then I felt another presence standing over me, over the body.  
I looked up and scrambled backwards upon seeing what it was: the mountain lion.  Its malevolent gaze pierced me to the bone, I struggled to not look away.  It reached down, sinking its teeth into Fang’s corpse and biting down, drawing blood.  Sickness threatened to swamp over me like a rat trying to climb its way out of my stomach.
“N-no, you can’t!” I exclaimed, finding my voice but not my paws.  Memories of the dreadful fight, of the hopeless battle against a beast so large and strong that even in a two-against-one it had been one-sided.  It could not be described as a battle.  It was a hunt, the cat was the predator and we were the prey.  
When I spoke, the mountain lion took its mouth away and sat up straight again, staring fixedly at me.  I recoiled under its gaze, then swallowed and stared back, shaking in my fur.  This beast died to me, I reminded myself over and over again.  The thought did little to reassure me; rather, it had me convinced that it was back and seeking revenge.  
The beast put one of its paws on the body of my father, sinking its claws in and moving them.  I could not see what it was doing, but the scent of fresh blood hit my nostrils.  I agonized over the disrespect and torture done to the body, it was a desecration of everything it meant to be a wolf.  When it took its paws away, the urge to go forward overcame me.  Warily, I stepped toward the body, keeping one eye on the mountain lion to be sure that it was not going to attack me.
What I saw brought back a memory of another dream, one I’d long forgotten.  This time, carved into the skin of my father and staining his tan fur crimson was a mark, two larger curved lines, connected by two jagged lightning bolt-shaped lines, with one final slightly curved line going down the middle.  
I stepped back again, getting away farther and more hurriedly than before, when I’d first seen the mountain lion.  Something about that marking unnerved me, it wasn’t right, it had an aura of shadow and foreboding.  I could sense a dark sort of energy in it, one that I recognized but could not quite recall from where.  This was wrong, this was all just wrong.
I looked up and saw that the mountain lion was fading away, as was the body of my father.  The background, too, seemed to dissolve away before my eyes, until I was left with nothing but darkness.
The darkness and the Shadow Marking, as I decided to call it.  The Shadow Marking stayed, now burning with a crimson light as the dark began to consume me.  I could feel it seeping through my skin, going down my throat, leaving me with a sense of despair and emptiness, and a feeling of detachment and some feeling that I could describe not as hate, but as something similar, a feeling that did not burn but instead was cold and icy.  My senses became distorted and I was left with nothing at all now, no sight, sound, taste, nor touch, not a thing, except the feeling of that Shadow Marking enveloping me, its curved lines curling around me and twisting me into its embrace as it swallowed me whole.
Thus begins part two of Rabies, entitled The Shadow.  It's still the same novel, though.  

[Spoilers ahead kinda not really]
In this half you'll begin to see how it ties back to Sinister.  
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